And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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