is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
