Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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