i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize