I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
