How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
