in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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