I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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