Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
