Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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