32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
