apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
