I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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