I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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