So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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