why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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