Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
