Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know her cup size but not her name....
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