I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
