So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Do you still have your period?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
