if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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