Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
