Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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