Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
