I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
