Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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