ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Its about making memories worth repressing
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
