after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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