so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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