i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
