I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
