I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
