I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she peed on how many people?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
