allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is my gift to your gina
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
