Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
