Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
