Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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