I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
