maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
