my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
