We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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