Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
