Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
