There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
