There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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