just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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