No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
