So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
