OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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