East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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