Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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