Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
